Forgiveness

It's been an interesting week or two. Any of you who have followed my blog know that I was raped in 2002. My rapist went to prison and was serving a minimum of 9 years. He was eligible for parole this past February. I had attempted to contact the parole board to find out the procedure and what I needed to do to keep informed of hearing dates, etc. I never heard anything back. Prior to what I expected to be a parole hearing date, I started doing some research and found out that his hearing date had already taken place back in September and that his parole had been approved. I was somewhat shocked and dismayed that I was never notified and given an opportunity to be involved in the process. Probably there is something I can do at this point to voice my feelings on this matter, but I'm not sure it would really make any difference at this point.

I contacted a family member of his to find out the status of his release/parole and was told that he needed to go through some sort of sexual offenders program and wouldn't be released until he had successfully completed it, which she thought would be in May or June. I repeatedly checked the inmate locator website and found him to still be listed as an inmate, much to my relief....until a couple of weeks ago. The day I had dreaded arrived....the site showed he had been released on parole! My heart sank, knowing that after all of these years, he was out among us, walking free, instead of behind prison walls. Knowing this, my next mission was to make sure he was on the sexual offenders registry. I was disappointed to find that he was not on the list with my first check, but assumed it would take a few days before he would show up. I was relieved to see his name appear late last week! At least there will be some protection for the public....

Time after time over the past 9 years, I had tried to remember his face. I don't know why...maybe some sort of sick torture. I had blocked the memory of what he looked like. At the same time, I feared what my reaction would be if, or when, I finally did see him or a picture of him. I was afraid it would open old wounds, long ago healed. I feared the old panic and churning stomach would again surface. Much to my relief, seeing his picture on the sexual offender registry did nothing but remind me of what an old, sad, pathetic man he was and how he had ruined the rest of his life by making terrible decisions. No panic; no nausea. Simply a sense of relief.....I think it was a relief that I knew he held no power over me. I knew, especially after seeing that picture, that I am stronger than he will ever be!

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.—Unknown

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.-- Mahatma Gandhi

Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were. --Cherie Carter-Scott

He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass.--George Herbert

When we forgive evil we do not excuse it, we do not tolerate it, we do not smother it. We look the evil full in the face, call it what it is, let its horror shock and stun and enrage us, and only then do we forgive it. Louis B. Smedes

Thia

If You Bring Love, by Joseph Campbell

At a certain moment in Nietzsche's life, the idea came to him of what he called 'the love of your fate.' Whatever your fate is, whatever the heck happens, you say, "This is what I need." It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity, a challenge.

If you bring love to that moment - not discouragement - you will find the strength is there. Any disaster that you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. What a privilege! This is when the spontaneity of your own nature will have a chance to flow. Then, when looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now. You’ll see that this is really true.

Nothing can happen to you that is not positive. Even though it looks and feels at the moment like a negative crisis, it is not.

I don't need to add anything more to this....he took the words right out of my mouth!!

Thia

Good Luck? Bad Luck? Who knows?

There is a Chinese story of an old farmer who had an old horse for tilling his fields. One day the horse escaped into the hills and, when all the farmer’s neighbors sympathized with the old man over his bad luck, the farmer replied, ‘Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?’

A week later the horse returned with a herd of wild horses from the hills and this time the neighbors congratulated the farmer on his good luck. His reply was, ‘Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?’

Then, when the farmer’s son was attempted to tame one of the wild horses, he fell off its back and broke his leg. Everyone thought this very bad luck. Not the farmer, whose only reaction was, ‘Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?’

Some weeks later the army marched into the village and conscripted every able-bodied youth they found there. When they saw the farmer’s son with his broken leg they let him off. Now was that good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?

This story reminds me of my strong belief that everything happens for a reason. Every time something discouraging happens in my life, I try to remember that and look for the positive in the situation instead of dwelling on the negatives. It has always come to bear out that something good does seem to eventually come from the bad, although it isn't always easy to see. But I truly do believe that everything does happen for a reason and that has helped me cope with many challenging situations in my life. I hope that this will help you try to look for the silver lining in the clouds of your life instead of just looking at the clouds!!

Thia

Someone's Watching Over Me - Hilary Duff

lindsey haun broken

This song was the anthem of my life during a really difficult time in my life not so long ago. It was one of many things that inspired me and helped me come out on the other side with my strength and sanity intact.

I hope you enjoy listening!

Thia

When all else fails, remember this.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLLMzr3PFgk

Silver Linings

I believe that everything in life happens for a reason. I will take that one step further, though. I believe that something good comes out of the negatives in our lives. Sometimes it is hard to see the positive at the time or even years later, but I almost guarantee that despite whatever challenges have been brought to you during your life, something good came about because of it.

I was sitting in my son's living room the other day, along with my son, who was home on leave from Iraq, his wife, and my granddaughter, another one of my three sons, my husband, my ex-husband (the father of my children), his wife and his step-daughter. It dawned on me that if my ex-husband and I had never gotten together, none of the rest of it could ever have happened. There would have been no children and no grandchildren. Chances are, we would never have ended up with the spouses that we currently have. There was a lot of pain during some of our years together, but I would live every day of it all over again if it put me where I am today and have the family that I have. I can't imagine it, nor would I want it any other way.

When I was raped in 2002, it was one of the most emotionally devastating things I had ever experienced. What good could possibly come out of such a terrible travesty? I feel there were several things. The man who raped me, I found out later, had also molested young family members and had made unwelcome advances to women in the local community. The family was aware of these things, but he was never brought to justice or made to seek treatment. It became the family's "dirty little secret." However, when he raped me and I subsequently reported it, his dirty past came out and he was prosecuted not only for my rape, but these molestations as well. He is currently serving prison time for all of those crimes. What if he hadn't raped me but had raped someone else who didn't report it? He may still be out there, hurting other women. He may never have paid for any of his crimes. So I am grateful he chose me if I was the one who could put an end to his abuse. I also became a much stronger person in the aftermath of the rape. I was a strong person before that, and I retreated into a shell for a long time afterwards, but when I came out, I became even stronger than I had been before the rape. I also hope that I have become a voice and perhaps an inspiration to others who have been touched by rape. Rape does not have to define you. You do not have to live as a victim, whether it is rape or any other tragedy or challenge that looms in your life. You have the power to overcome the challenges. If you stay a victim, whatever your challenge is becomes the winner. It has the control. For me, I was determined I would not let my rapist have that control. I could not let him win. He took something that was very precious to me and that did not belong to him, but I took back my life, which was far more precious than anything else. I survived because I chose to survive. It wasn't easy. It took me deciding that instead of my rape defining who I was, it became something that happened to me and had a part in making me who I am today, but it was everything. Instead of being a rape victim, I am a mother, a wife, a grandmother, a nurse, a student, a friend, an advocate, a rape survivor, a huntress, a backpacker, a pageant participant, etc.

The take-home message that I am trying to get across is to look for the silver linings in every dark cloud. Instead of focusing on the negatives of a situation, try to find at least one positive and focus on that. It may seem miniscule, but it is something. Maybe you met someone you would never have met if something hadn't have happened. Maybe you were able to make a difference in someone else's life that you wouldn't have had the opportunity to reach without the challenge. Who knows? It's kind of a butterfly effect.

Have a wonderful week and may you always find the silver lining in all of the clouds in your life, no matter how dark they seem!

Thia