I was sitting in my son's living room the other day, along with my son, who was home on leave from Iraq, his wife, and my granddaughter, another one of my three sons, my husband, my ex-husband (the father of my children), his wife and his step-daughter. It dawned on me that if my ex-husband and I had never gotten together, none of the rest of it could ever have happened. There would have been no children and no grandchildren. Chances are, we would never have ended up with the spouses that we currently have. There was a lot of pain during some of our years together, but I would live every day of it all over again if it put me where I am today and have the family that I have. I can't imagine it, nor would I want it any other way.
When I was raped in 2002, it was one of the most emotionally devastating things I had ever experienced. What good could possibly come out of such a terrible travesty? I feel there were several things. The man who raped me, I found out later, had also molested young family members and had made unwelcome advances to women in the local community. The family was aware of these things, but he was never brought to justice or made to seek treatment. It became the family's "dirty little secret." However, when he raped me and I subsequently reported it, his dirty past came out and he was prosecuted not only for my rape, but these molestations as well. He is currently serving prison time for all of those crimes. What if he hadn't raped me but had raped someone else who didn't report it? He may still be out there, hurting other women. He may never have paid for any of his crimes. So I am grateful he chose me if I was the one who could put an end to his abuse. I also became a much stronger person in the aftermath of the rape. I was a strong person before that, and I retreated into a shell for a long time afterwards, but when I came out, I became even stronger than I had been before the rape. I also hope that I have become a voice and perhaps an inspiration to others who have been touched by rape. Rape does not have to define you. You do not have to live as a victim, whether it is rape or any other tragedy or challenge that looms in your life. You have the power to overcome the challenges. If you stay a victim, whatever your challenge is becomes the winner. It has the control. For me, I was determined I would not let my rapist have that control. I could not let him win. He took something that was very precious to me and that did not belong to him, but I took back my life, which was far more precious than anything else. I survived because I chose to survive. It wasn't easy. It took me deciding that instead of my rape defining who I was, it became something that happened to me and had a part in making me who I am today, but it was everything. Instead of being a rape victim, I am a mother, a wife, a grandmother, a nurse, a student, a friend, an advocate, a rape survivor, a huntress, a backpacker, a pageant participant, etc.
The take-home message that I am trying to get across is to look for the silver linings in every dark cloud. Instead of focusing on the negatives of a situation, try to find at least one positive and focus on that. It may seem miniscule, but it is something. Maybe you met someone you would never have met if something hadn't have happened. Maybe you were able to make a difference in someone else's life that you wouldn't have had the opportunity to reach without the challenge. Who knows? It's kind of a butterfly effect.
Have a wonderful week and may you always find the silver lining in all of the clouds in your life, no matter how dark they seem!
Thia
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