Forgiveness

It's been an interesting week or two. Any of you who have followed my blog know that I was raped in 2002. My rapist went to prison and was serving a minimum of 9 years. He was eligible for parole this past February. I had attempted to contact the parole board to find out the procedure and what I needed to do to keep informed of hearing dates, etc. I never heard anything back. Prior to what I expected to be a parole hearing date, I started doing some research and found out that his hearing date had already taken place back in September and that his parole had been approved. I was somewhat shocked and dismayed that I was never notified and given an opportunity to be involved in the process. Probably there is something I can do at this point to voice my feelings on this matter, but I'm not sure it would really make any difference at this point.

I contacted a family member of his to find out the status of his release/parole and was told that he needed to go through some sort of sexual offenders program and wouldn't be released until he had successfully completed it, which she thought would be in May or June. I repeatedly checked the inmate locator website and found him to still be listed as an inmate, much to my relief....until a couple of weeks ago. The day I had dreaded arrived....the site showed he had been released on parole! My heart sank, knowing that after all of these years, he was out among us, walking free, instead of behind prison walls. Knowing this, my next mission was to make sure he was on the sexual offenders registry. I was disappointed to find that he was not on the list with my first check, but assumed it would take a few days before he would show up. I was relieved to see his name appear late last week! At least there will be some protection for the public....

Time after time over the past 9 years, I had tried to remember his face. I don't know why...maybe some sort of sick torture. I had blocked the memory of what he looked like. At the same time, I feared what my reaction would be if, or when, I finally did see him or a picture of him. I was afraid it would open old wounds, long ago healed. I feared the old panic and churning stomach would again surface. Much to my relief, seeing his picture on the sexual offender registry did nothing but remind me of what an old, sad, pathetic man he was and how he had ruined the rest of his life by making terrible decisions. No panic; no nausea. Simply a sense of relief.....I think it was a relief that I knew he held no power over me. I knew, especially after seeing that picture, that I am stronger than he will ever be!

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.—Unknown

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.-- Mahatma Gandhi

Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were. --Cherie Carter-Scott

He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass.--George Herbert

When we forgive evil we do not excuse it, we do not tolerate it, we do not smother it. We look the evil full in the face, call it what it is, let its horror shock and stun and enrage us, and only then do we forgive it. Louis B. Smedes

Thia