A Story of Healing After Divorce

This touching poem was shared by a friend. Here is her story: "I drafted this up after my divorce from my first husband. I was married young and unfortunately he didn't value marriage. He had a series of affairs and even after counseling he continued. I was too young and had too much life left to live to deal with it. So I filed for divorce. He proceeded to destroy everything we owned, but I kept going. I moved on. For years he didn't. But I knew God had another plan for me. But kept this poem close to me for nearly 2 years as a reminder that I had to keep moving."

I think of you each day
And the words I'd like to say
To make you understand
That my life's on shifting sand.

Thanks to you I've found
A strength in my self to rebound
From any harm you've caused
That you can't place my life on pause.

I'm not a game you play
Or a table on which your burdens lay
I'm strong as the hawk that flies
And I know all your lies.

So try as you may to forget me
I'm the first thing in the morning you see
And when I'm flying high through the air
It's because I love myself enough to care.

And I won't let it get me down
I can make a smile from a frown
For I have the power to run my life
And survive from any given strife.

I would like to thank the contributor for sharing your story and your very poignant poem. I personally felt the words as if they were my own and I know that many, many others will as well. When we marry, we have this image in our minds of what we think our lives will be. We believe we will spend the rest of our life with this partner and we expect to be happy and in love. No one goes into marriage planning for divorce. Marriage is supposed to be forever. So when something goes wrong in a marriage, it's hard to give up on it. For me, I still could see the person that I had fallen in love with somewhere behind the eyes of the man I was now sharing my life with and I wanted him back. I was still in love with that man. One of the most painful realizations came when I knew that the man I was in love with didn't exist and that the man I was married to was toxic...our relationship was toxic. Nothing I did could help. No amount of counseling could fix it. My husband suffered from narcissistic personality disorder and could not see that he had any responsibility in the downfall of our marriage. Everything was my fault and I was the one who had to fix it, except that no matter what I did, he felt it was not good enough. The only way to save myself was to get out. And I did. It didn't happen overnight by any means. I left and went back several times before it was all said and done. As crazy as it sounds, I still was in love with the Prince Charming I had married. It is like a death when you realize that person is gone forever. For a long time, I felt that if I just did enough, worked hard enough, basically sacrificed myself to be whoever and whatever he wanted me to be, he would become that person again. But that doesn't happen and even if it did, it is never worth it to give up yourself to be what someone else thinks you should be. You must always be true to yourself and take care of yourself, first and foremost. Only then can you be truly happy.

Letting go of a marriage is never easy. No one likes to fail. No one likes to be judged. Divorce is much more common in our society today than it used to be, but there are those people out there who will look down their noses at those who divorce. Many stay in miserable marriages because of the kids. Many stay because they are scared to be alone or on their own. There are many reasons why people stay in unhappy marriages. But life is too short to spend it in misery. I am not saying that at the first sign of trouble, run. Not at all. But if you have done everything you can and you are still miserable or the love is gone, there is no shame in taking care of yourself and doing what is best for you. Seek advice. Go to counseling. Pray. Whatever you do, whatever you decide, you need to do it for you....you need to take care of you.

Thia